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Post by Star Williams on Apr 3, 2008 22:31:39 GMT -5
Call me a dork... but I LOVE POETRY! And not only do i love writing poems.. love writing songs too! .. but this thread is for poetry. Ok so basically you just post a poem or two and people can comment//criticize. Although i would prefer only plesant replies. Here is a few of mine I will post a few more later on.. i don't want to overwelm anyone! Who does he see when he looks at me The girl I am or the girl I could be Does he see past the mask I always wear Does he even care I wonder if he will ever realize That he is perfect in my eyes He’s the one I dream about at night And the one I wish would hold me tight We’ve been just friends for too long And maybe making a move isn’t wrong
These are okay ones that I've written, i am saving my favrites for last. A girl backstage holds her stomach She’s waiting her turn Her hands are shaking Her palms are sweaty She’s fighting butterflies
All the other performers are done And it’s finally her turn She takes a deep breath And straightens her shirt Waiting for the music to start
She steps into place And the curtain goes up She hears the whispers But she ignores her thoughts And just lets her heart lead
Her feet walk on air And her body moves with the beat Her hair whips around And she is in her own world Where there is no stage or audience Just her and the music
When the song finishes She holds her breath The audience is silent Then roars with applause And with a bow she exits She has overcome her biggest fear And done the thing she wanted the most
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Post by Sam Grey on Apr 7, 2008 7:18:53 GMT -5
Star I don't think you're a dork at all. But then anyone who's ever read anything Sam's posted knows that he writes poetry, and a lot of it. But here are some more samples of my writing.
My Dirge, My Requiem
This is my dirge, my requiem sending shivers down your spine to say that I'm in love with him.
I can feel you turn away, your body aching all in time this is my dirge, my requiem.
Words I know I'll never say, forsaking what is lost in rhyme, this is to say I'm in love with him.
Lord I rue the day the stars began to shine this is my dirge my requiem.
all will take what they may along the dark assembly line this is to say I'm in love with him.
Now you know why I've gone away, knowing you'll never be fine This is my dirge my requiem, to say that I'm in love with him.
Villanelle's are my life blood...
Lonely Roads
Come along the lonely roads, going places no one knows feel the fire burning bright whisked away by candle light.
The dead are all now food for crows 'cause they went places no one goes feel the fire burning bright whisked away by candle light.
Feel the chill down in your toes now you know what no one knows dream of fire burning bright whisked away by candle light.
Bones recovered from the snow, ashes laid where they all go still [you] dream of fire burning bright; to whisk away the endless night.
and just to prove that I can write emo-poetry with the best of them...
Forsaking
Forsaking dark, forsaking light, forsaking that which angels show.
Forsaking wrong, forsaking right, forsaking the places I may know.
Forsaking peace, forsaking fights, forsaking all the years to go.
The blood runs red, through wrists I've bled, now just a fleeting stain on snow.
Now for some comments on Star's poetry:
In the first one, while it's a fairly standard teenage love piece you have some good imagery and some amazing lines, the first two "Who does he see when he looks at me The girl I am or the girl I could be..." set the tone for the rest of the poem, fourth line, 'Does he even care' breaks the rhythm that you established, and pulls attention to itself.
The second poem, while probably more personally significant to you, is kind of dry, but it's a powerful poem because it has that well of emotion behind it. I have to say good job on both of them!
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Post by Star Williams on Apr 7, 2008 18:35:18 GMT -5
OOO! I like the emo one so dark! haha! heres another one {it was for a school assignment, the teacher played some music and we just wrote what ever came to mind, then we made it into a poem }: A pirate maiden stands at the wheel A map in her hand of loot to steal Their surrounded by a restless ocean And their boat rocks with the motion But they keep going strong And hope they won’t turn wrong The lightning cracks, and the fog rolls in The thunder roars, but it won’t win The storm is violent But the oceans silent And this one... i wrote it just because... oh ya.. and i wrote it 3 years ago: She is an outcast They call her a fool I know it wont last Cause she’s so cool
They say she’s mean That she likes to make a scene But that’s just her It's what she prefers When it comes to smart she ain't the best But her spirit soars above the rest What people say doesn't matter to me Cause that’s not all I see
Now I'm an outcast I hope it wont last They make up lies But who cares, my spirit flies
i have one left after this
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Post by Natalie Stone on Apr 8, 2008 15:30:11 GMT -5
Gosh. They're very...poetic. xD. My idea of poetry is sarcastic and light. None of that deep meaning stuff for me. I actually wrote a poem about lemons in Grade six...I was supposed to invent my own style of poetry, so I did (word starting with A)(Word starting with B) (Word starting with C) (Subject.) My subject was Lemons. Ahem. *pulls out papyrus scoll and reads* Always Bring Crazy Lemons Delicious Easygoing Fabulous Lemons. Great Handheld Imaginative Lemons. Jazzy Kingly Lovable Lemons Mega Natural Obsessive Lemons. Pretty Qualified Real Lemons. Sacred Tried-and-true Unforgettable Lemons. Valuable Wacky X-tra Lemons. Yellow Zanzibar Lemons.
And that was the whole thing. I got points for being unique.
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Post by Star Williams on Apr 8, 2008 23:06:53 GMT -5
YAY LEMONS!! I <3 LEMONS!! haha... awesome poem!
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Post by Nikolai Andersson on Apr 9, 2008 12:07:16 GMT -5
That's an awesome Poem!!! Natalie I are now your biggest fan!!! I don't have a poetic bone in my body... about the only poems I write are limericks, and anyone who knows anything about limericks knows that I can't post them here... (they're way to dirty!!!)
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Post by Macy Linden on Apr 9, 2008 14:08:34 GMT -5
As if a lullaby
As if a lullaby boy and girl fell in love Happiness and love were found Nothing could break them down Soon boy and girl wed
Regret set in Confusion and frustratiom Fights and arguments were their generation One dark and lonely nigh Girl left
He tried to pick up the pieces His heart too shattered to fix His head trying to find out why His body telling him to move on He had to try
She came back with apologies She came back with regret She came back begging for forgiveness She came back to a broken heart To Broken to fix
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Post by Star Williams on Apr 9, 2008 16:54:49 GMT -5
Aww! that is so cute!! ..and sad.. I love it!
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Post by Natalie Stone on Apr 10, 2008 16:29:14 GMT -5
You know what's really hard? FRENCH poetry. We're currently doing it in Flay, (FLA, French Language-arts) and it's like we can't trust anything we ever learned about poetry, it's so DIFFERENT. We're going on a school trip for three days to a french university, and I didn't know the song Aggadoo was part of my curriculum, but it seems required that we learn the song and the dance. And we have to learn the Ste. Anne's Brookside Chant. "Brookside est quoi? DYNAMITE! Brookside est Quoi? DYNAMITE! Brookside est quoi? DYNAMITE! tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik BOOM! Dynamite!" Ah... French immersion kids have so much more fun.
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Post by Star Williams on Apr 10, 2008 21:42:03 GMT -5
I HATE FRENCH!! ...no offence! I love german though!! it makes you sound angry! haha! 'Ich heiBe Tara, I bin veirzehn jahre alt. Meine Schwester heiBt Kat. Sie ist seibenzehn jahre alt.' ...that means 'My name is Tara, I am 14 years old. My sisters name is Kat. She is 17 years old.' ..ya.. ... poetry in german would be wierd!!
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Post by Macy Linden on Apr 11, 2008 15:18:29 GMT -5
I agree, french poetry is hard. Right now at school we are doing poetry in both french and english classes (Which is pure evil since we never get a break). It always harder in french. Even though my first language learned is french. I am proudly french canadian but that's an other story
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Post by Star Williams on Apr 13, 2008 0:04:01 GMT -5
haha.. i love canada! but i hate it when people asume i can speak french!! I was shopping down in the states a while ago, and someone knew i was canadian cuz i had a 'french accent'. I told them i don't speak french, and they were like 'Oh, but... your canadian.' I wanted to smack them!! some people can be so ignorant!! ...FYI... I don't have a french accent
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Post by Natalie Stone on Apr 14, 2008 16:19:17 GMT -5
The only things IIIIII know in german are, well, the basics, guten tag, guten Nacht. And some words I picked up from the german girls at camp, ...zukmachinne (spelling; search engine) duddelsach (spelling; bagpipes) and the only sentence is: Saller Wallers, ich ein un duff ein duffcott? (spelling again, translated it's: Saller Wallers, are you a dove in a dovecote?) OH and one of the german girls wanted something to do so she translated most of the words in my book of word searches. !!! Camp is so fun. It is like...a quarter of my social life now. Because everything seems to realate to it xDD
I am also Canadian. I like it more than the US.
...tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik BOOOM! Dynamite!
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Post by Sam Grey on May 1, 2008 11:53:33 GMT -5
Somewhere I know you are waiting, with breath held in anxious fear. Remember my friend when you're scared, I'm never to far to be near.
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Post by Lilly Ann Harper on May 2, 2008 18:04:19 GMT -5
cool! I like your poem sam!
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